Separating YOU from the Emotional Verbal Abuse

In the moment that the verbal emotional psychological abuse comes forward, step back. Do not personalize the message of the verbal abuse because it probably has nothing to do with you.

Oh yes, on some level, you certainly can talk yourself into believing it is about you because it may be fitting contextually with respect to your life. However, you must realize that it is inspired from something totally outside of you.

Recognizing the Abuser's Vulnerability

Most people that work with batterers will tell you that their abusive gestures typically arise out of vulnerability, not invincibility. It is as though they are having a moment of not feeling okay either in themselves and/or relative to you. Instead of acknowledging their inner wounds, they reflexively throw a dart to shift the energy toward you and keep the rawness of their own personal inward pain at bay.

Now, if you are on the receiving end of this verbal emotional abuse, see your battering partner as he/she truly is in the moment of their being abusive. Let yourself momentarily feel his/her compromised experience over your own shattered feelings. And then, when you shift back to your own psychological pain, you will recognize that you both have a wide array of options that can move each of you and your relationship forward.

Interventions for Emotional Psychological Abuse

Ultimately, if you seek to break the cycle of emotional verbal abuse, bring professional expertise to the table with you and your abusive partner because the rest of the work requires some objectivity that you and your partner most likely will not have.

Be mindful that the success of any intervention will depend on effective facilitation of individual and interactive awareness. Both you and your partner can be guided in recognizing and acknowledging the underlying psychological dynamics inspiring verbal emotional abuse. And alternative actions that enhance your relationship—rather than destroy your intimate connection—can become your relationship guidelines.

For more information about spousal emotional abuse, visit http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/emotional_verbal_abuse.php . Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps couples nationwide recognize, end and heal from spousal emotional abuse. http://www.EndDomesticAbuse.org/domestic_violence_trt.php Copyright 2010, Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Names such as: Sixes are the: Loyal Person, Devil's Advocate, Faithful Skeptic, Guardian, or True Believer are commonly used to decribed the Temperaments Types. We use numbers instead of any names.

We use numbers to designate each of the Temperament Types because numbers are value neutral. They imply the whole range of attitudes and behaviors of each Temperament without specifying anything either positive or negative.

The numerical ranking of the Types is not significant. A larger number is no better than a smaller number.

No Temperament Type is inherently better or worse than any other. While all the Temperament Types have unique assets and liabilities, some Types are often more desirable than others in our society. You may not be happy with your particular Type. You may feel that your Type is “limited" in some way. As you learn more about all the Types, you will see that just as each has unique capacities, each has different “limits.”

People do not change from one basic Temperament Type to another. Some Types are more valued in our society than others; it is because of the qualities that society rewards, not because of any superior value of those Types.

The descriptions of the Temperament Types apply equally to males and females, since no Type is inherently masculine or feminine. Not everything in the description of your basic Type will apply to you all the time because you fluctuate constantly.

Why aren’t all people with a given Temperament Type successful?

You probably know a bunch of people with the same Temperament Type. Why are some successful and others are not. Why the difference? The difference is Emotional Intelligence. We use Emotional Quotient. (EQ) as a shorthand to describe Emotional Intelligence.

A person may have a high IQ. They did well in school, maybe have a college diploma or even an advanced degree. They may even be in MENSA, the select high-IQ club and still fail in business and relationships. Why are they not successful?

The answer:

Your IQ determines 20 % of your success, which leaves 80% to other forces. This is stated by Daniel Goleman the Author of “Emotional Intelligence.”

A person with a high IQ does not mean they know how to manage their thoughts and feelings any more successfully than a person with a low IQ. Success requires taking the emotional data, making sense of that data, and integrating it into your decision-making. People with higher EQ does this better.

By increasing your EQ you can use your thoughts and emotions of your Temperament Type to make the best possible decisions. Increased EQ help you get optimal results from your relationships with yourself and others.

EQ challenges the conventional belief that emotions are in the way of good decisions. By increasing your EQ it is possible to learn how to use your emotions to make better decisions. By increasing your EQ, it is possible to increase your wisdom and energy required for high performance. The Increasing your EQ is a teachable life skill. If people get better at these life skills, everyone benefits: The brain doesn't distinguish between being a more empathetic manager and a more empathetic father

The Just Wait Teen Program The teenagers of the Just Wait Teen™ program  are exposed to the information and research concerning their Happiness, their Temperaments, their Talents, their Attributes, their Gifts and how to maintain long term relationships. The Just Wait Teen™ program  is life enhancing program, not a substance rehabilitation program. Although its' objective is to give the teens tools and understandings to reach 21 years - substance free. This Program was developed by the Just Wait Foundation a 501 (c)(3) nonprofit corporation to prevent drug, alcohol, and tobacco problems among teenagers. The Foundation provides one-year scholarships (two semesters) at a Community College or $1000 award to teens that completes the 4 year Just Wait Teen™ Positive Youth Development Program, obtains a GED, or graduates from high school - alcohol, tobacco, and drug free. The Just Wait Foundation has arranged to use of 80 acres to raise fruit and vegetables to finance the scholarships We offer free training for any person or group that wants to start this program in their community. Contact Us    Copyright 2009  - 2010 & Developed by  Just Wait Teens