Emotional Self-Regulation/b>
This is the ability to step back, to "hit the pause button" before, during or after an emotionally charged situation. Goleman writes that self-regulation "frees us from being prisoners of our feelings."(1)

Emotional Self-Motivation/b>
Self-motivated people not only know what they are feeling, they can transform their anxiety or negative emotions into positive, productive emotions and actions. They can call up feelings of confidence, optimism and enthusiasm.

Empathy/b>
Once a foundation of the first three competencies (all intrapersonal) is established, EI begins to influence a person's interactions with others. From a traditional business perspective, empathy may seem inappropriate or unnecessary. However, in today's economy, where teamwork, cross-cultural sensitivity and coaching and mentoring are essential, empathy is a core skill.

Managing Relationships (Social Skill)/b>
This competency combines sincere care and friendliness with a purpose. To manage relationships effectively, leaders must understand and channel their emotions in useful ways, be motivated to take positive action and exhibit empathy toward others. Rather than trying to manage or manipulate relationships, this is about setting a positive tone of cooperation no matter what the circumstances. It can help all sides find common ground where collaboration can lead to movement in the desired direction.

Where Do You Start?/b>
Laying a strong foundation in emotional self-awareness increases the likelihood of building strong skill in the other competencies. Some actions that can be taken to enhance skill in emotional self-awareness include...

li>Notice and name your emotions - being able to name what you feel provides information that can be used to make decisions about what you should or should not do or say in particular situations.
li>Identify triggers to negative emotions -- these can be people, events, or situations that frequently trigger a strong, negative emotional response. By recognizing triggers, the learner will know when it might be helpful to change or regulate his or her emotions (the second EI competency, emotional self-regulation).
li>Identify what's important in your life and the positive emotions they evoke - these positive emotions are the emotions the learner will want to experience more frequently. Increased frequency in experiencing these kinds of emotions is related to more positive energy. And research shows that when the emotions are positive, thinking is clearer and better decisions are made./ul>

Outstanding leaders are often said to have "good people skills." But the person they are most skilled at handling is themselves. They start from the inside and work out. The good news is that all of these competencies can be systematically learned, enhanced and developed.

Source:
1. Daniel Goleman, Emotional Intelligence, 1995, Bantam Books.

Copyright 2008, Byron Stock

Byron Stock, a former engineer and director of corporate education, guides individuals and organizations toward excellence by helping them develop their Emotional Intelligence skills as a powerful tool to achieve strategic objectives, lead change and create resilient, high performing organizational cultures. Learn about Byron's quick, easy, proven techniques to harness the power of your Emotional Intelligence. Visit http://www.ByronStock.com